Stuck in the '70s

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Progress


The progress is carrying on. I've been wanting to write in a diary for sometime, and I'm jonesing for a diary.

I'm up way past my bedtime and I will have to be at "work" in less than 8 hours. But the discussion goes on about work. I'm not retail. I'm a journalist. That sounds kind of snooty right now, but I don't care. Any time I complain about hours, the manager says, "Well, you're in retail." That's when I respond, "Well, I'm a journalist who needs a job in this BFE town."

So, the results? Looking for a job for which I'm qualified , not neccessarily in this town. However, tonight I had a bit of a breakdown considering Dad and the boys and all. I don't like the idea of uprooting the boys, although I know they're young and will get over it. So, I had a discussion with them and let them know the three ofus are the "core." We stick together no matter what. However, my Dad is detrimental (sp) to everything. After losing Mom a couple years ago, I will not abandon my dad. Tonight while I've been thinking about sending my resume to several newspapers and such I have thought about the fact that I can't leave my dad here to die. If I had known that my mom was checking out I would've done things so much differently. My dad rocks. My dad is enjoying life. He loves the internet. He loves my brother and me being here for him I'm sure. Is it wrong to put my dad above my children? I dunno. My kids are flexible and will grow and be good I am sure. They're good boys. So, Dad is No. 1. And, Dad always said, "Sis, You've gotta look out for number one." However, this job I'm in is a dead end and has absolutely nothing to do with my training in journalism or what I would like to do. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. I don't sell things. Couldn't sell Girl Scout cookies. But, that's what I'm judged on every day. I talked someone out of buying a dishwasher the other day because it would be too loud for them. Thank God I don't get a commission because right now I'm honest. I told that woman it'd be too loud and she'd have to turn her TV up in the trailer.

Any rate, I'm looking for a job, hopefully "back home" in Illinois, for which I qualify and will prosper. Meanwhile, that seems selfish. I have the boys to consider and uprooting them from the home they've always known, although struggling. And, Dad. ... Dad doesn't want to go back to Illinois. However, he's become much more open minded. So, if I can just let him know that whatever I choose to do, it'll be based on him and NEVER -- EVER leaving him alone to deal with anything ...

I had a major Mom break down tonight. Haven't had one of those in a long time. Doesn't get easier, just farther apart. I see my battery is running down, and I'm typing back in the bedroom on the laptop, so better save this before I lose it. I'll update you soon.

3 Comments:

  • At 5:46 AM, Blogger ThoughtsInsideMyHead said…

    Sorry you're feeling so discouraged and torn right now. I understand the feeling of job hate myself right now. Are there any good jobs within commuting distance so uprooting the boys wouldn't be an issue? I wish you the best of luck with your decision.

     
  • At 8:37 PM, Blogger karen said…

    Julie, I feel your pain. Every week I watch my fathers health slip more and more and I believe he won't be around much more. I live an hour away and hate my job but can't move closer right now. I say do whatever you have to do to be near your dad. Cherish him, he won't be around forever, and your kids will understand..if not now they will eventually.
    On another note, I love your site. I got totally caught up in your life reading your diary. I should do something like this but mine was growing up in the 80's. Mine wasnot quite as long as yours, only 4 years, but some interesting reading...please take care and keep in touch!

     
  • At 3:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh my God! Are you all kidding?! How can you possibly go on and on about such shit... please get a grip on what life is about. You mean something... even if you never know what it is that you mean, you do mean something.

     

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