Stuck in the '70s

Sunday, February 26, 2006


The progress is carrying on. I've been wanting to write in a diary for sometime, and I'm jonesing for a diary.

I'm up way past my bedtime and I will have to be at "work" in less than 8 hours. But the discussion goes on about work. I'm not retail. I'm a journalist. That sounds kind of snooty right now, but I don't care. Any time I complain about hours, the manager says, "Well, you're in retail." That's when I respond, "Well, I'm a journalist who needs a job in this BFE town."

So, the results? Looking for a job for which I'm qualified , not neccessarily in this town. However, tonight I had a bit of a breakdown considering Dad and the boys and all. I don't like the idea of uprooting the boys, although I know they're young and will get over it. So, I had a discussion with them and let them know the three ofus are the "core." We stick together no matter what. However, my Dad is detrimental (sp) to everything. After losing Mom a couple years ago, I will not abandon my dad. Tonight while I've been thinking about sending my resume to several newspapers and such I have thought about the fact that I can't leave my dad here to die. If I had known that my mom was checking out I would've done things so much differently. My dad rocks. My dad is enjoying life. He loves the internet. He loves my brother and me being here for him I'm sure. Is it wrong to put my dad above my children? I dunno. My kids are flexible and will grow and be good I am sure. They're good boys. So, Dad is No. 1. And, Dad always said, "Sis, You've gotta look out for number one." However, this job I'm in is a dead end and has absolutely nothing to do with my training in journalism or what I would like to do. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. I don't sell things. Couldn't sell Girl Scout cookies. But, that's what I'm judged on every day. I talked someone out of buying a dishwasher the other day because it would be too loud for them. Thank God I don't get a commission because right now I'm honest. I told that woman it'd be too loud and she'd have to turn her TV up in the trailer.

Any rate, I'm looking for a job, hopefully "back home" in Illinois, for which I qualify and will prosper. Meanwhile, that seems selfish. I have the boys to consider and uprooting them from the home they've always known, although struggling. And, Dad. ... Dad doesn't want to go back to Illinois. However, he's become much more open minded. So, if I can just let him know that whatever I choose to do, it'll be based on him and NEVER -- EVER leaving him alone to deal with anything ...

I had a major Mom break down tonight. Haven't had one of those in a long time. Doesn't get easier, just farther apart. I see my battery is running down, and I'm typing back in the bedroom on the laptop, so better save this before I lose it. I'll update you soon.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Scattered update

I don't have my glasses on for this update, which means I may make some mistakes. The glasses are in on the bedside table, and I don't want to disturb the sweet baboo. :)

Things have been happening so rapidly around here that I haven't really had a chance to make an entry in my "online diary."

I've got a new car, a new man and a new kitchen. Life is good! Here is a picture of the new car -- a midlife crisis, maybe, you think? It's an '05 purple PT Cruiser convertible. I was having problems with the Mom-mobile van and decided to trade for this little beauty. Not much room for the boys' legs, but I'm ready to get something I can enjoy. Can't wait for warmer weather. The new man is not that new. Met him in June. Started dating in mid-November after his ex had thrown him out and filed for divorce in October. His divorce was final in early December, and now I have realized that I've found the one I've been looking for all along. I knew there must still be some "nice guys" out there besides my brothers, and here's one right under my nose. Now then, we're upgrading my crappy kitchen. The house was built in 1980 and had still had the harvest gold range when I moved here in 1991. It finally gave out. I got my tax refund and used my Home Depot "Christmas bonus" (a 20 percent discount) to order new appliances and get all the flooring, etc., and my kitchen is gutted at the moment. I'll show you some before, during and after pictures soon. Of course, I'm redoing in a Brady Bunch style and will have a very Brady kitchen.

I've ordered orange countertops, and my man has matched the countertop sample to paint the walls the same orange, and the cabinets will be a moss green. He's putting down the ceramic tiles tomorrow.

This will be the first Valentine's Day in about 12 years that I've actually gotten a Valentine present. Been a single mom tending to her kids that whole time, except of course the 7-month celebrity marriage in which I didn't receive a Valentine. Now, this guy, my sweet baboo, had only one tattoo, and it bore the name of his wacked-out ex. For Valentine's Day, he had that tattoo obliterated, and made into something different with MY name on it. I would've never expected that or guessed what the present was. I never said anything or had a problem with the current tattoo -- I've lived with those before. But this is a committment and a fantastic gesture. It's weird how well we get along and how we think on the exact same plain. Never a cross word in the 8 months I've known him. Plus -- he's the same age as Brett Hudson! Woo-hoo! Hairy chest and all.

If you've researched anything about moleskines, know that I'm trying to keep mine up to date and write all this stuff down. I don't know why. However, I can say, I have my mom's mom's (my Grandma Biddison's) diary from the early 1900s and my mom's diary from her childhood to my adulthood, and I want to keep something in writing for my boys to save so that they can see into the mind of their mother. Hopefully they'll see that I've always had their best interest at heart, even though my parenting style has had to evolve and change to meet their era accordingly. Boys -- just don't get into it until I croak, OK? ;)

I've got so many more things in mind to add to the Web site, including all your suggestions and links. They'll be added as I can, and I hope to get back to that after the kitchen remodeling. You'll see some pix of the remodeling and the very Brady kitchen. It's taking extra long to get the countertops because I picked "Pumpkin" as the color. They think I'm an oddball at Meyer Laminates in Little Rock where they're coming from and laugh at me daily, but I'll have my Brady counters, dammit! Ha, ha.

I'll sign off here and promise to update again soon. Life is a soap opera.